Agents, Plugs and White Drippy Goo


Agents, Plugs and White Drippy Goo

  • AUTHOR: Kralia
  • TITLE: Agents, Plugs and White Drippy Goo
  • CATEGORY: Humor
  • RATING: PG
  • SUMMARY: The thoughts of Neo throughout the first Matrix film.

Agents, Plugs and White Drippy Goo


MONDAY 6th SEPTEMBER, 1999

10:00 PM

Choi is an hour late. I think I’ll listen to some music and fall asleep.

11:00 PM

Woke up of own accord. Choi still not here. Two hours late. Again. I might have something terribly important to do. OK, I don’t, but that’s not the point.

Computer’s gone a little weird. It won’t respond to the Esc key. And it’s telling me to follow the white rabbit and that the Matrix has me.

Is it possible for computers to take drugs?”

11:01 PM

Computer says “Knock Knock, Neo” and the door bangs. I have a psychic computer that reads Lewis Carroll and takes drugs.

Choi is here, gave him the disk. He wants me to go to some club. Think I’ll pass.

11:02 PM

Holy shit! His girlfriend’s got a tattoo of a white rabbit!

Computer must be very talented. I could show it on TV, make a fortune…. but that’s not really my style….

So, will go to club.

11:20 PM

Is rather loud here. Am standing forlornly in a corner wondering why I am here, as the computer is back at my apartment probably laughing its silicon head off at me going on this wild goose chase.

11:21 PM

Have been approached by a woman with short black hair and a v strange top. Am a little confused. Perhaps she knows my computer?

11:22 PM

No, apparently she is called Trinity and she was pretending to be my computer. Personally I thought she was a guy, but….

11:23 PM

Trinity Woman hissing in my ear about me knowing some question. The only question I can think of is “What the hell is going on” but that didn’t seem too appropriate. So said “What is the Matrix”, first thing that came to mind

Apparently that IS the question. Whoa. Perhaps I am the one that is psychic…

TUESDAY 7th SEPTEMBER

9:18 AM

Aaaaarrrrggghhh just woke up. Knew shouldn’t have gone to bloody club. Boss will probably eat self on spot, but self not caring right now because self has horrible headache.

9:37 AM

Sitting in front of boss listening to him droning on and on about me being on time or being fired. Boss is very boring. Will nod like I give a damn.

9:41 AM

Fed-Ex Guy has given me a package. Ooooh, wonder what’s inside…

9:42 AM

A cell phone? I not understand. Oh, it’s ringing…

9:43 AM

Some guy called Morpheus on the phone. Suits are coming to get me for some strange reason. Do not like suits. Freak self out.

9:45 AM

After some dashing about the cubicles, I’m in an office. Feeling uncomfortably like a puppet on strings. Guy called Morpheus is telling me to open the window. Hmmm, I wonder why….

9:46 AM

No! He wants me to climb out of the window and get on a scaffold. Joking, right, I mean, come on!

9:47 AM

For some sick, twisted reason, here I am, balancing on a narrow ledge about a mile up. Maybe if I just stay here someone will think I’m a jumper and will force me down, that’s another way out…

9:48 AM

Oh, god, there’s a bit that juts right out and I’m going to have to swing myself round. A mile up in the air.

Why me? I’m just a harmless criminal, trying to have a quiet life. How did I end up dangling here?

Oh, no, I dropped the phone… butterfingers!

I can’t do it. Just can’t.

What’s the worst those suits could do to me?

9:51 AM

Am being dragged into a car. Wonder what’s coming next….

10:02 AM

Am in a room facing a guy who seriously freaks me out. Ah well, what’s the worst that could happen.

10:03 AM

Ah, no, he knows I’m a criminal. Apparently I’ve broken everything there’s a law for. And here he is offering me a new start, wipe the slate clean, and all he wants is Morpheus, who, incidentally, is the most dangerous man alive.

I love this guy.

10:04 AM

While I would really like to accept the oh so tempting offer I think I really should play the righteous hero and keep annoyingly asking for a phone call.

10:05 AM

Aaaarrrggggghhhh! My mouth is sealing up! What the hell is going on???

That guy is seriously freaking me out now.

10:07 AM

Uhhhhh…. They are putting a bug thing in me… a REAL bug. It’s eating its way into my stomach, it’s very painful and will probably scar me for life….

9:00 PM

Ahhhh, it was all a dream… curious, though, when did I fall asleep?

9:01 PM

There goes my phone… wonder who it is???

9:02 PM

Damn, it’s that Trinity Woman, and she wants me to go to some bridge… Oh well, might as well go…

9:25 PM

Am waiting in the rain for Trinity Woman. This feels horribly like being stood up…

9:27 PM

Ahhh, Trinity is here. Ordering me to get in the car.

9:28 PM

Ah, no! Have a chick with bleach blonde hair pointing a gun at me. Now she is hot. Trinity Woman is going on about how it’s for their protection, from me. What could I do to them, ever? I couldn’t hurt a fly even if I tried. Which I often do. Still, they always seem to avoid the rolled up newspaper.

Now I’m being asked to take off my shirt. What is the fascination with my chest?”

9:29 PM

Oh, dear. Trinity Woman is now pointing what looks like a giant corkscrew into me. Am wishing Blonde Chick would do it. Do not trust Trinity Woman.

9:30 PM

The bug thing evidently wasn’t a dream. I can see it, the corkscrew thing is making it wriggle everywhere. I think none of this is actually happening. Soon I’ll wake up in my apartment perfectly on time for work with a nice hot cup of coffee waiting to be drunk.

9:31 PM

The bug thing came out and got blended. Am going to have bellyache for weeks after that. Am moderately freaked out, but after I’ve dangled off a mile high ledge, had my mouth seal up for no reason at all, and have a psychic computer that takes drugs and reads Lewis Carrol, surgery in the back of a car is just a medium level of strangeness.

9:40 PM

Arrived at a dingy looking place. Rain pouring down. Is spoiling hair.

9:43 PM

Am standing outside door with Trinity Woman. She is talking about me being honest or else. Have noticed she actually is pretty hot. Though not nearly as much as Blonde Chick.

9:44 PM

Have walked into room and Morpheus Guy turns round just as lightning cracks. Morpheus Guy smiles this I-am-mental-I-eat-your-kids smile at me. Suddenly get feeling that I have no idea why I am in this situation. I got dragged to a club, got Trinity going on about a question, got suits chasing after me at work, got Mental Morpheus Guy dragging me off to the bridge, then Trinity dragging me off to see Mental Morpheus Guy who is smiling at me like a crocodile.

9:45 PM

Am sitting opposite Mental Morpheus Guy. Mental Morpheus Guy is talking about the Matrix, whatever it may be. I don’t really give one what it is, but am nodding my head like I understand anything.

9:47 PM

Mental Morpheus Guy has stopped talking about the Matrix and is offering me a choice of two pill things. Apparently the blue one will make me wake up in my bed yet again, and the red one will make me go into a deep rabbit hole. They both sound pretty dodgy. I don’t want drugs messing up my brain. I depend on my brain for a lot of things.

Still, Mental Morpheus Guy looks like he’d literally rip my throat out if I don’t take one, so I suppose I might as well go with the red one. This is all probably a complicated dream anyway, so I might as well take the more interesting one. I mean, I’ve woken up about three times now…

9:50 PM

Mental Morpheus Guy drags me off to a room full of wires. I’m sick of being dragged everywhere. Have I lost all control of my life?

Evidently.

9:51 PM

Am sitting in a chair all wired up. Have just realised mirror on my left… I mean right. Mirror is cracked.

Oh. Mirror is now not cracked. Mirror went all liquidy and became good as new.

Wonder what it feels like?

9:52 PM

Uh oh. Just touched mirror and have cold liquid mirror going up my arm. Ooooh. C-c-c-c-c-cold…..

Oh, shit…. is going up my face. Bit more and it’ll go in my mouth…

9:53 PM

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

9:54 PM

What the hell? Am surrounded by liquid goo. Curious.

Oh, wait, I have a tube rammed down my throat. Ow.

Will try and get out.

9:55 PM

Have broken out of liquid goo and have coughed up tube rammed down throat. Realised have wires stuck in self.

9:56 PM

Oh, that’s strange. Can see huge towers full of glowing red things with people in. Is this some sort of sick joke?

9:57 PM

Could this get any worse? Have big monster coming at me. Ow. Monster wishes to strangle me. Monster is dragging out wire stuck in back of head.

9:58 PM

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Wires are popping out of self and it is painful. Am now being sucked into a hole.

9:59 PM

Wheeeeee am going down slide. Like a waterslide, only the water stinks.

Sploosh! Landed in the Big Happy Pool…. believe am going delirious…

10:00 PM

Big happy pool drowning me. Is infinitely deep. Will sink down… down… into the depths of the Big Happy Pool and will wake up nice and dry in apartment…

10:01 PM

Am being dragged up from Big Happy Pool by Evil Grabber Thing. Whoooo. Really am delirious.

WEDNESDAY 8TH SEPTEMBER

2:37 AM

Am lying in white place. Mental Morpheus Guy not look so mental dressed in boring grey sweater. Also have Scary Muscley Guy looking at me. Strange.

My eyes hurt. Apparently it is because I’ve never used them before. But I have. They worked fine before. Back in the Sane World.

THURSDAY 21st SEPTEMBER

9:53 AM

Have woken up on overly hard bed. Owch.

Ah, remember now. Have been poked at with needles for fourteen days. Argh.

Just noticed have wire stuck in arm. Will pull out… ahhhh.. oww..

9:54 AM

Morpheus The No Longer Mental has entered. He says it’s actually around 2199. Oh, shit. Will update date…

SOME TIME AROUND 2199

9:55 AM

Morpheus is taking me on a tour of this ship. He says it’s called the Nebba Cannessa. Keep seeing Blonde Chick everywhere.

9:56 AM

So Blonde Chick is actually called Switch. Strange name. She looks like what I would call a Tough Cookie. I really like that in a girl. Seen little weirdo guy with goggles on. Apparently called Mouse. Hmmmmm.

9:57 AM

Morpheus is forcing me down on a chair. Whoa… Easy… Ow!

9:58 AM

Am in white place with Morpheus In Serious Mental Mode. Oh, look cool again. Holes have gone. Good. Did not like holes. Made me feel like a robot.

9:59 AM

This is the Construct, it seems. Have been told above information by Morpheus, who has regained Mental Guy status in rather high levels.

10:03 AM

Have watched strange video about the Matrix and Soforth. Found it somewhat disturbing.

I want out!

10:04 AM

God, I feel like losing my mind to insanity. The video… holographic… thing… was indeed disturbing.

10:05 AM.

Crap, have just puked on the floor. That’ll really impress Switch.

7:48 PM

Have woken up on annoyingly hard bed again.

Have seen Morpheus – De-Mentalised – sitting in chair. Think will ask little question to break the ice.

7:49 PM

Ended up asking “I can’t go back, can I”. Honestly, brain. You could have come up with something better.

7:50 PM

Damn, wished hadn’t said anything. Morpheus is now droning on and on and on about the answer to my pointless question.

7:51 PM

Damn! Morpheus was droning on and on, and I wasn’t listening because what he was saying was very boring, then he said something about me being a Search Engine or something. What the hell?

Wished had listened properly

8:38 AM

Just woken up by strange person. Looks familiar.

8:39 AM

Strange Person is called Tank. Queer name. What kind of parent names their kid Tank?

He says he’s my operator. I don’t like the sound of that. If he’s an operator someone’s got to have an operation, and it looks like that someone is me. And I have no interest in being operated upon. I hate blood.

Strange Tank Person has nil Socket Things. Wonder why…

8:40 AM

Ah! I’m communicating with this guy! I ask a simple question and he gives me a simple answer!

Will test out theory with second question.

8:41 AM

OK, asked a couple more simple questions and theory works. Simple answers Tank does give! Will try one more time.

8:42 AM

Damn. Theory bamboozled. Tank sadly did waffle on and on about a load of pointless stuff.

Still, from all that experimentation I have found that there is only one nice place left on this planet. Dammit. Was under rather different impression.

8:45 AM

Am sitting in chair. Tank flipping through floppy disks. Am rather concerned. Maybe the floppy disks are disguised knives and are to be used for operation.

I hate blood.

8:46 AM

Wrahhhh! Got sucked into chair and had evil things put in my head!!! That felt good. Amazing in fact. Like drinking thirty cups of coffee then going bungee jumping into an active volcano. Only good.

6:46 PM

Ten hours of that experience.

I know Kung Fu.

Expressed such thoughts to Morpheus.

6:50 PM

Am in Place That is Not the Matrix. Had to have Thing jabbed in head again. Argh.

Oooooh, am dressed in cool kung fu outfit! Go me!

6:52 PM

Wheee! Am fighting Morpheus and I know Kung Fu!!

Still a little high from Evil Things in Mind experience.

Ooooooh, I can run up walls!

6:53 PM

Owwww…..

Was beaten. Painfully. Was kicked so hard into wooden pillar it broke. Owwwww…..

Will not cry. Is not manly. Will. Not. Cry.

6:55 PM

Somehow Morpheus got me into another fight. Hell, I’m actually good at this now. I feel… energised.

6:56 PM

Wheeeee hooooo!

I BEAT HIM!

Yay! Payback!

6:58 PM

Ah, great. Next test: Jump three hundred metres over a busy road. Hey, I can do that. Easy peasy. No problemo. I just have to free my mind. I can do that.

6:59 PM

Owwwwww……

Did not make the jump.

Fell painfully onto road. Road went all sproingy so am still alive.

7:00 PM

Rewoke into Real World. Owwwww. Am still hurting.

AH CRAP! There’s blood in my mouth! Blood blood blood blood blood!!

I hate blood!!!!

9:06 PM

Uhhhh. Went to bed after the whole falling thing. Was woken up by…

Oh. It’s Trinity. With…. white drippy goo.

She is looking at me in a funny way. I think I’ll pretend to be asleep. Close my eyes. If I look at that drippy goo any longer I might throw up again.

SOME TIME AROUND 2199

7:45 AM

Uhhhhh was woken up by Morpheus. Far too early. Am sleepy.

7:56 AM

Have to go into Matrix, again. Why? I hate the whole stick-in-head thing

8:01 AM

Am in Matrix. Busy street. People keep pushing me and – hey, deja vu! And again! And again!

That’s rather strange. There’s something not quite right about this.

8:02 AM

Lady in pretty red dress walked past. She smiled at me! Somehow she doesn’t fit in here…

Ooooops. Morpheus saw I was ogling her and not listening to him. Still, she is far more interesting than anything he could ever say.

8:03 AM

Wraaa! Lady in pretty red dress turned into a suit! With a gun! Then Morpheus yelled at the sky to “Freeze it” and time stopped!

This isn’t the Matrix?

8:04 AM

No, apparently it isn’t. It’s another training thingy. Like the Kung Fu fighting and the Impossible Jump. Hmmmmmm.

8:05 AM

Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!! Is it physically possible for Morpheus to be more boring? Now he’s lecturing me on gatekeepers. Why, please?

8:06 AM

Oh. They’re called agents, not gatekeepers. And I’m going to have to fight them.

Why me? Why am I special? I’m just… me. Someone who just got dragged into a load of shit.

8:07 AM

So I’m not going to dodge bullets. Apparently I won’t have to dodge bullets.

What can you do to escape bullets, save dodge them? Perhaps I’ll turn into a ghost, then they’d go straight through me. Or maybe I’ll be surrounded by a wall of acid, that disintegrated the bullets before they hit me.

I really can’t think of anything else, and those two don’t sound too good. I have no interest in being a ghost. The acid thing wouldn’t be too convenient either – how am I supposed to socialise? It would make walking through doors awkward, too, unless the acid disintegrated the doorway, so it would be wide enough.

Hell, I don’t know.

8:09 AM

Unplugged. I feel like I’m getting used to this thing now. A bit. I feel like I’m on a tightrope, and before I was wobbling and slipping all over the place. Now I’ve got my balance.

8:11 AM

Got dragged up to the front bit. Ship lurching everywhere. Apparently we’re being attacked by squid. OK then. Perhaps I am still wobbling on the tightrope a bit.

8:12 AM

Oooooh just saw squid. Apparently called “Squiddies.” Appropriate name.

8:13 AM

Ew. Apparently we are in sewers. Am v glad am safe in the Nebba Canessa.

9:46 AM

Been exploring the Neb properly. Not too interesting. Pity they can’t get some good decorators in, the walls are rather dingy.

9:47 AM

Found whats-his-face – Cypher. Staring mindlessly at black screens covered in green things. Symbols.

9:49 AM

Awww. Cypher noticed me. I was going to try and get as close as I could without him seeing me.

Apparently I ‘scared the bejeezus’ out of him.

What’s a bejeezus?

9:50 AM

Talking to Cypher. He offered me a drink.

This place has alcohol? Why was I not informed?????

9:51 AM

Cypher apparently wanted the blue pill.

Why? This place might need a few drops of paint, and the food isn’t too good, and everyone wears the same boring grey sweaters, and we’re in a war with evil machines that could easily kill us all, and the sun is as good as non-existent, but, uh…

I can kind of see his point actually. Why didn’t I take the blue pill? I didn’t even know the whole thing was real at the time. I assumed it was all just a dream at the time, so it didn’t matter what I did.

I wish the White Rabbit had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.

9:52 AM

Ugh! Took mouthful of drink, and it tastes like strong turpentine. Ew.

Actually, it’s not that bad. I could get used to it.

9:53 AM

What? Huh?

Apparently I’m here to save the world???

No one told me that. Or maybe they did. From now on I WILL listen if someone starts talking to me. I will. Will will will.

9:54 AM

This Cypher is actually creeping me out a little. He reminds me of….. a snake. Or a lizard. Oh well.

Think will leave now…

11:45 AM

Came to dining place for breakfast. Breakfast at quarter to twelve? Oh well….

11:46 AM

Oh, no.

It’s the white drippy goo.

I have to eat this? I just shoved the stuff Trinity brought me under the bed. It’s still there, and if I can help it, will stay there forever. I hope that stuff keeps.

Do I really have to eat this? There doesn’t see to be anything else.

11:47 AM

Little weirdo Mouse talking to me. He says to close my eyes and imagine it’s runny eggs. I hate eggs.

Long haired guy compares it to a bowl of snot. Thanks. That really cheered me up.

11:48 AM

Mouse chattering excitedly about chicken. Quell point?

11:49 AM

The white drippy goo is actually “A single cell protein combined with synthetic aminos, vitamins and minerals.” It has everything the body needs, apparently. Does that make me want to eat it more? No.

11:50 AM

Oh, so Mouse wrote the Agent thingy. Cool. Perhaps he is smarter than I give him credit for. Although he could have made the people in it a little more polite. They were very rude, kept pushing past me.

11:51 AM

Ooooh. Mouse is offering self a private encounter with the Lady in the Pretty Red Dress! Am seriously considering it… I need some light relief. Or heavy, whichever way you look at it.

11:52 AM

Decided cannot possibly take offer when Switch plainly stated she disapproved. Oh well. Some other time.

Mouse talking about Impulses. Hmmmmm.

11:53 AM

Morpheus in room, saying I have to see someone. Who? The Lady in the Red Dress? I hope so, Switch can’t argue with Morpheus.

11:54 AM

Tank says it’s the Oracle. Not more names to remember. I can never remember names.

11:57 AM

Am sitting in dentist chair thing having thing put in head. Why? I mean, it doesn’t hurt, but feels weird.

11:58 AM

Everyone standing in Matrix around phone. We all look uber cool. Am beginning to actually like this…

11:59 AM

Am in back of car with Trinity. Morpheus driving, but if he doesn’t keep his eyes on the road we’ll crash, which would definitely NOT be uber cool.

12:00 PM

Hey! Just spotted familiar place. Some noodle place. I really will miss noodles.

Will confer with Trinity.

12:01 PM

Argh. Trinity confusing me. The Matrix cannot tell me who I am because I recognise some noodle place? Huh?

12:02 PM

Well, we’re here. Leaving Trinity in the car in case of robbers.

12:04 PM

Standing in elevator with Morpheus. Am a little worried about Oracle person. She knows everything? In that case, why doesn’t she just tell us how to destroy this Matrix thing?

Ohhhh dear. Morpheus just said he would find the One. I suppose that’s me…

Damn.

12:05 PM

Standing outside Oracle’s apartment. Apparently only I can walk through the door. Why? Do they have some sort of DNA scanner?

12:06 PM

Greeted by Oracle opening the door as I opened it. Whoa. She IS talented.

But not really what I was expecting.

12:07 PM

Am in room with lots of little bewitched children, levitating building blocks and bending spoons.

Think will talk to spoon boy.

12:08 PM

Spoon Boy v strange. Spoon Boy saying that I can’t bend the spoon. I jolly well can bend the spoon. You take one end in one hand and the other end in the other hand and push your hands together…

Now he says there is no spoon at all. Is he a blind Spoon Boy?

Think will have go myself.

12:09 PM

Ooooooh. Am bending spoon with my miiiind. Coool.

12:10 PM

Spoon bending was interrupted by Oracle, saying that the Oracle would see me…. Hey! That means the Oracle isn’t the Oracle!

Follow fake Oracle into kitchen.

12:11 PM

In kitchen. Am being talked to by woman facing away from me. Am wondering as to why she is facing away from me. Perhaps she was in a fire and all her skin melted, so she doesn’t show her face to people.

12:12 PM

No, Oracle is now facing me, talking about something smelling nice. Cookies perhaps. They don’t smell nice at all. They smell horribly burnt. Oracle must be bad cook.

So I wouldn’t sit down, huh? I’d gladly sit down, actually. My legs are aching after all that… standing… in the elevator.

12:13 PM

Ooooops. Smashed Oracle’s vase. Damn. She will not be too happy.

Still, if she hadn’t said not to worry about it I wouldn’t have turned round and – hey! That’s strange.

12:14 PM

She said one of her kids would fix it. Either they are seriously adoring grandchildren or she’s using child labour.

12:15 PM

So I’m cute? And who likes me? Switch? Who else could it be? Apart from Trinity.

Trinity? That’s a serious possibility actually. Never thought about it before, but Trinity always does look at me weird. And that incident with the white drippy goo…

God.

12:16 PM

So I’m supposed to know I’m the One? But I don’t. I know I’m not.

12:17 PM

So Oracle is a fortune teller… She asked me to say ahhhhhhh, and then read my palm. Hmmmm.

12:18 PM

I’m not the One.

I knew it! Haha! Morpheus’ll finally leave me alone with his damn speeches! Well, I hope so.

12:19 PM

Ohhhh shit. This Oracle woman is evil. She says Morpheus is going to sacrifice himself, for me. Because he thinks I’m the One, even though I’m not.

Ah, but she also says I can save him. Ah goodie. Pity if I take that option, MY life goes down the drain.

12:20 PM

Oracle offering self cookie. Would decline because they are quite burnt, but I simply can’t say no to cookies. Am addicted. Really.

12:32 PM

Back at place. Cookie starting to give self stomach ache. Damn.

Well, back to the Neb…

12:34 PM

We are all going up flight of stairs. I’m not sure why, I think there’s a phone up there.

12:35 PM

Oooooooh, cute little black pussy cat! Actually, what is a black cat doing here? Strange.

12:36 PM

Oooooooh, cute little black pussy cat! Actually, what is a black…

Whoa, deja vu.

12:37 PM

God, they are making such a big deal out of just a couple of cats. So what if it was weird and creepy, the way one was there and then so was another one.

12:38 PM

Ohhhh, just because of those damn cats we have to run up the stairs. I was banking on NOT running, that cookie is making my insides go haywire. I wish I hadn’t said anything now.

12:39 PM

So we’re trapped here. Uhhhhh. Great. This probably means more trouble with people being shot and dying and my stomach still hurts.

12:41 PM

OK, so we ran up a load of stairs to the eighth floor. Owwww. Now my legs hurt.

12:42 PM

Long haired guy gave me a gun. Whoa.

I can kill people.

12:44 PM

In walls, clutching gun. I’m a little scared of using it. Scared of killing.

Must be absolutely silent.

12:45 PM

Damn you, Cypher. Damn guy started coughing.

We’re all gonna die now. Thanks a fucking lot.

12:46 PM

Shooting the gun blindly into the wall in front of me. Bang bang bang. I’m not sure what’s going on, but never mind.

12:47 PM

Argh. Am being strangled by suit. Hate suits. Freak self out.

12:48 PM

No way. Morpheus leapt out of the wall above me and knocked the suit over.

Dumass. I would’ve got rid of the damn suit, if he’d just given me some time. Now… what was it the Oracle said? That now I had to sacrifice myself to save him? Or what? What would happen if I DIDN’T do that?

OK then. I won’t, and see what she can do about it.

12:49 PM

Now Trinity is dragging me off. Well, dragging me down actually. Down the walls.

Does no one understand I can actually take care of myself?

12:51 PM

Fell out of the wall, into dusty place. Cypher refusing to come into lovely dark escape route sewer. Nancy boy.

1:05 PM

Came out of sewer. Have splotches of muck on self. Trinity however is spotless.

Is there a training program I didn’t go through that covers stuff like Keep Looking Cool?

1:07 PM

Four of us walking down back alley place. I can’t help thinking, perhaps we should be running. I for one can’t wait to get out of this damn Matrix. Although we don’t look nearly as cool in the Real World.

1:08 PM

So we have an exit, courtesy of Tank the Operator, who to my knowledge has never operated on anything.

Ah well.

1:10 PM

Here in old TV repair shop. Phone ringing. Not far to go now.

And I get to go first. Woo!

1:11 PM

OK, so the line went dead. I smell a fish, there’s something ratty going on here.

1:12 PM

Trinity, Holder of the Cell Phone, reports that Cypher killed Tank and Dozer.

Oh god. No.

We’re trapped here now. Dang it.

1:14 PM

OK, so have spent last two minutes trying to work out what Trinity and Cypher are on about. So far I’ve got that Cypher gave “them” Morpheus. Who’s “them”?

Also, I’ve got that the Matrix isn’t real. Well, duh. I’d got that weeks ago.

1:15 PM

No.

Long haired guy died, fell on floor, and… Switch reacted. A lot.

Why didn’t I see it before? Switch and Apoc. Apoc and Switch. Perfect couple.

Switch on floor, staring at Apoc’s dead body.

Trinity, now staring at Switch with a terrible expression on her face.

Switch will die. Now.

1:16 PM

She is dead. Am on floor, looking at her hair, her face, expressionless.

Feel awful. If was a second quicker with the phone, I could have stopped Cypher and saved her life. And Apoc’s, I guess, although right now I really don’t care.

1:17 PM

Trinity now staring at me. She looks like she’s half crying. Poor girl.

OK, weird. She looked at me and just said “yes”. OK.

1:18 PM

Phone ringing again, by some miracle. Our way out.

Asked Trinity to go first. Seems like it’s her turn.

1:23 PM

In Neb. Tank somehow survived. Got a bit bashed about but he’s alive and kicking. Well, not right now, as there would not be much point in kicking here.

Tank explaining agents, and What They Are Doing To Morpheus. So Morpheus’s mind is a computer? Well, that explains a lot.

1:24 PM

Ohhhh, so Morpheus is gonna be a little slimy traitor like that rat Cypher, is he??

Why would Morpheus do something like that? I mean, he’s Morpheus, a little nutty but not the traitor type. I’ve probably misunderstood.

Give him the benefit of the doubt….

1:25 PM

Oh, it’s too confusing. What is Zion’s mainframe, anyone? Is it a big wall shielding Zion or something?

Better just go along with it.

1:26 PM

No way.

They’re going to kill him. Kill Morpheus.

More death. There was, how many, eight of us, plus the Slimy Rat. Now Dozer, Mouse and Apoc are dead, not to mention the Slimy Rat, although I don’t regret his death one tiny little bit.

And Switch, of course. Switch. I did have feelings for her. Not love, not really. But it hurt when she died. Hurt a lot.

I don’t know where I am any more, if that makes sense. Someone likes me, and I don’t think it could’ve been Switch, if she was with Apoc, which means it has to be Trinity. Assuming the person in question is female; if it’s not then I really don’t want to know.

Trinity. I like her, a lot. I’m not sure in what way. See what happens, because what I have to decide now seems a hell of a lot more important.

Morpheus. The Oracle said I’d have a choice, that I could save Morpheus if I wanted, but that would kill me. A choice.

I don’t want to die, but perhaps Morpheus is more important. Perhaps he’s the one thing in this war that can save humanity. It’s a long shot, but….

1:28 PM

Tank giving a sort of final farewells speech thing, even though it’s blatantly obvious Morpheus has no idea this is going on.

Morpheus, me, Morpheus, me…

Morpheus.

1:29 PM

I stopped the Pulling of the Plug. I’m going in. I’m going to get him out.

OK, so Trinity wishes to argue that I’m the One. I thought the Oracle was meant to be right, or something?

1:30 PM

OK, so Tank thinks it’s suicide. Well, thanks for the morale booster….

Although maybe he does have a point. Military controlled building, three agents guarding….. Perhaps it is suicide.

Still, I’d look pretty silly if I backed out now. Guess I have to go along with my original plan.

1:32 PM

Trinity wants to go with me now. Why??? This is something I’m going to walk out of DEAD! Probably, if she comes, so will she. Dumass.

1:33 PM

Whoa, that girl believes a hell of a lot of things. She believes Morpheus means more to her than he does to me, that I need her help, and that I’m going to hell. Well, thank you for your blessing.

She’s stupid. This is meant to be a suicide mission here! I’m going to die, the Oracle said so, and I really don’t want her to die too! There’s just no point.

Still, I could use some help. Perhaps the whole you-can-and-will-save-Morpheus thing would only work if she came. OK then.

1:36 PM

In Construct with Trin. Now, then, what do we need?

Guns. Lots of guns.

Whee! Lots of guns shooting past self on shelf! And we get any we want…

Right, into Matrix we do go, for Morpheus we have to save….

1:43 PM

In Matrix.

I look so cool.

Shades, trenchcoat, guns strapped to body which makes self very badass and most importantly, dangerous. Trinity in trademark black PVC, not as cool and badass as self but still OK. Am still wondering how the hell she moves in all that stuff. Must be yet another training program I missed out on. Although probably they only give it to females, as most men would not appreciate wearing tight PVC.

Anyway..

1:44 PM

Heh. Guards so ignorant of self’s dangerousity. Telling me to discard loose change. Mwahahahaha! Will open trenchcoat and reveal numerous guns strapped to self!

1:45 PM

BLOOD!!!!!!!!

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

Bloodbloodbloodbloodblood!!!!!

OK, Neo, calm down. Calm down. Just a liquid. Think of it as tomato ketchup. Or red paint. Just a spot of red paint. You have eight odd pints of the stuff inside you, anyway. It’s what keeps you alive.

Still, is a little distracting when stuff is spurting out of guard.

1:46 PM

A load more guards appeared. Still, I have my guns. I am still bursting with dangerousity.

What, they’re telling ME to freeze? Me, with my shades and trenchcoat. You’ll die for that, mwahahahahaha!

Come on, Trin. Lets show them what we’re here for.

1:47 PM

Trinity and self running on walls and shooting the crap outta these guys. Dust going everywhere…

Slimy Rat must’ve been outta his mind. Who’d want the blue pill when you could have the red pill and look so damn cool!

Feel that testosterone!

1:48 PM

All guards dead or deeply unconscious. Mostly dead. I killed people. I’m a terrorist.

OK, must concentrate on task at hand. Will be time to contemplate killings afterwards. First, get to elevator..

1:49 PM

In elevator, or rather on top of it. Am about to shoot pylon thing that holds the elevator together, so self and Trin can shoot up the tunnel bit and onto the roof. Simple, no?

Having peculiarly awkward moment. Am having to hold Trinity quite tightly to ensure she does not fall to her death, and Trinity is looking at self in strange way.

Better say something to cover up awkward silence. Must be deep and knowing.

1:50 PM

There is no spoon??????????

Is that the best you could come up with?

Oh well, up we go, whee!

1:51 PM

OK, on roof with Trin. Kicking major ass. Some guy saying they’re under attack. The word ‘duh’ comes to mind.

1:52 PM

Uh oh. Suit approaching.

Ah well, have all my guns and am bursting with dangerousity.

1:53 PM

Mfffft! Why won’t you die?

Stupid suit dodging bullets.

Well, will have to yell at Trinity for help. She’s experienced in these matters.

My voice sounds weird.

1:54 PM

Well, two can play at that game Mr Suit. I’ll just have to dodge all your bullets…

Damn. Look seriously stupid, like am doing limbo. How low can you go kinda thing.

1:55 PM

OWWW!

Stupid suit cheated. Suit shot me. Suit blocking out sun with hugeness. Suit about to kill me.

I am going to die. OK, last prayer. Dear God. Please forgive me for killing all those people in the lobby. It was for the greater good. I’m sure they’ve gone to a better place. Plus, please forgive me for tripping up that loser in fourth grade. It was also for the greater good. We all had a good laugh at him.

1:56 PM

OK, am not dead. Trinity came and killed suit. HA, that’ll show you to mess with Neo the dangerous!

1:57 PM

Huh? My how low can you go thing was unusual? I though everyone could do it!

1:58 PM

Trinity’s eyes all fluttery. She removed her sunglasses so I could observe. Strange…

2:02 PM

In helicopter being flown by Trin. Apparently the whole eye fluttering thing was Tank putting the info into her brain.

Hovering outside government building. Agents departed. Morpheus alone in chair being sprinkled by sprinklers. Morpheus soaked.

2:03 PM

Morpheus, get up. Get up, get up… WRAHH!

Ah, no.

The agents are back.

2:04 PM

Morpheus woke up, thank god. He’s running to the broken window and being shot at.

He’s not gonna make it!

2:05 PM

Leapt out on rope that Trinity had conveniently tied to me before. Caught Morpheus, but Morpheus now dangling from my hand. Really, really hope I don’t drop him, as having Morpheus fall to his death would rather defeat the point of getting him out.

Trinity with the helicopter swinging about like hell. Hope Tank loaded that info into her brain well.

2:06 PM

Oooops.

I dropped Morpheus. Damn.

Oh, wait, thank god, against horrible odds he dropped onto a flat roof, and landed OK. Phew. That would’ve been difficult to explain away.

2:07 PM

Landed gracefully on roof, unfortunately still connected by rope to helicopter, which is falling down. Even worse, with Trinity still inside, otherwise I could cut the rope.

2:08 PM

Am skidding not too gracefully on behind along rooftop, being dragged down by helicopter.

Ah! Weight on end of rope suddenly got a lot less when on edge of rooftop. Look down to see Trinity bouncing on edge of building.

2:09 PM

Pulled Trinity up while balancing on edge.

Trinity on roof, facing me. Yet again she has a strange expression on her face.

OK, just realised I have almost identical expression on own face. Seriously awkward moment, but in an OK way.

Someone likes me, and by logical conclusion, it’s her. And I like her, too. She’s an amazing person. She saved my life. Three times.

2:10 PM

Damn you Morpheus!

Stupid guy loomed up behind us and said asked Trinity if she believed it. He has to be the biggest gooseberry in the world!

Still, will take opportunity to ask about the Oracle.

2:11 PM

So the Oracle was manipulating me by feeding me a load of fake prophesy? That sucks.

Although it means I might be the One, which is always good.

2:12 PM

Called up Tank. Now we have to go to some subway station place. Down we go…

2:29 PM

Just reached subway station. Finally, I get some rest. When I get back to the Neb I’m going to have a big hot mug of Dozer’s moonshine. And a long sleep.

Got Morpheus to go first. I ain’t rescuing you again, man.

2:30 PM

Trinity’s turn for the phone, but it’s ringing and she isn’t picking it up. I’m starting to get edgy now. The sooner we get to a relatively safe place the better.

2:31 PM

What is she babbling on about? I’d be happy to listen fully and understandingly in the real world but right here we could be jumped on by suits.

2:32 PM

Oh, shit, shit and double shit. Suit coming out of the shadows. Trinity FINALLY picking up the damn phone, leaving me all alone.

It’s the one that interrogated me, oh, so long ago now.

2:33 PM

Ominously walking towards me. I should run. I should run now, while I have the chance, but my legs won’t move.

2:34 PM

Oh dear. Looks like I’m going to have to fight him. Seems too late to run now.

Standing facing him. All is quiet.

2:35 PM

Shooting at each other now. I’m scared. Really, really scared. Why did I get into this? Everyone who has fought a suit has died. Why should I be any different? I’m not the One.

Still, I seem to be doing OK. He’ll surely kill me, but I think I’m putting up a better fight than most others did.

2:36 PM

I’m out of ammo. Fuck. If I’d just picked out one more gun from that shelf I’d be OK now. There were thousands there, for god sake!

2:37 PM

So we’re both out of bullets. So now we revert to good old fashioned Kung Fu. I’m OK at that. I think. I only ever really fought Morpheus properly.

2:38 PM

Suit is good at Kung Fu. Painfully good. Is slamming me against walls and kicking my brains out.

I can taste the blood.

2:39 PM

On train track. Train coming in. Being held down by suit. Suit also knows I am going to die. Am going to die.

Unless…

2:40 PM

Told that suit what my name was, then used up last of strength slamming suit against roof. Got off the train track and suit was squashed like a little beetle! Hahah!

I feel so tired and aching and I want to just go to sleep. Right here, if possible.

2:41 PM

Oh, shit, the suit resurrected itself! Stepped out of the train, good as new!

This time, I will run. One more fight with that thing and I KNOW I’ll die. I’m just too tired.

2:42 PM

Just have to keep going. Keep going, keep going. Don’t know where I’m headed yet, but I have to keep running.

Need a phone.

2:43 PM

Grabbed a phone off some guy in the street. Finally, I have somewhere to run to.

Wabash and Lake?? Where the hell is that… oh, wait, thank god for those into-the-mind things!

2:44 PM

In marketplace, being chased by suit. Not the one I just fought, another one. Suit wreaking havoc in order to get me, shooting watermelons and suchlike.

2:46 PM

Damn. Backed into a corner…. oh, wait, there’s a door. Wonder why I didn’t notice it before.

2:47 PM

Still running. Am exhausted. If I could I would lie down and die right now, but I can’t let those suits get me. Otherwise they’d probably kill me slowly and painfully, which would not be good.

And I have to see Trinity again.

2:48 PM

Ran into old woman’s apartment. Into kitchen and old woman there suddenly turned into suit I fought and threw a knife at me. Jesus, what is the point of running and gaining a few feet on them when whenever I pass someone they are instantly on my tail again!

2:49 PM

Down the steps, fall into a heap of garbage. Suit right behind me.

Nearly there. Just need to run a little bit more. Then I’ll reach the damn phone.

2:50 PM

Climbed up another damn fire escape into the next building. Here is the phone, just have to reach it. Room 303.

2:51 PM

Oh, fuck.

Reached room 303 and found suit there, waiting for me. Opened the door and got shot right in the chest.

Blood on fingers. This time I know I’m going to die. I’m dying now. I always knew before that I would somehow pull through.

I’ll never see Trinity again. Never see Morpheus or Tank. Never see Zion.

2:52 PM

Against opposite wall, being shot at by suit. It doesn’t matter any more. I can feel the bullets. They don’t hurt any more.

Vision’s going. Head going foggy. Can’t think any more. All going black.


Where am I?

Is this heaven? Hell? Limbo? Purgatory?

Something is tugging at me now. Dragging me back to life. I don’t want to go. At least it’s nice and quiet here. I feel OK now. Don’t want to go.

How long have I been here? It feels like forever, and yet it can’t be. There is no time here.

Can’t resist the pull of whatever it is dragging me back. It feels like a good thing, even though I don’t want to go back.


2:53 PM

Eyes snapped open. Waiting for pain to come flooding back.

Hang on… I feel fine. Better than fine. Wonderful, in fact. Even though I still have bullets lodged in my chest.

I can do anything. I really can. I don’t know why, but I can.

Three suits staring at me from the end of the corridor. For the first time I can see that they look shocked.

They are going to shoot at me, but it doesn’t matter.

2:54 PM

Yep, they shot me. Or tried to.

I can stop bullets. So this is what Morpheus meant.

I am the One.

2:55 PM

Suit I fought now running up to me. Trying to fight me, but I move like liquid steel now. Far too fast for suit.

Kicked that suit all the way down the corridor.

I want to kill him, kill him properly. Smash whatever code he’s made up of apart. Payback.

2:56 PM

I’ve killed him. Smashed the coding apart. I can see the Matrix now, as it really is, in code. All green and glowing.

2:57 PM

Oh, phone. Need to get to phone.

2:58 PM

Good god, what happened to the Neb? Oh, squiddies. Woke up to see them falling onto the ground.

How do squiddies float, anyway?

2:59 PM

Trinity hovering over self.

She loves me. That was the thing that dragged me back. Her love.

I love her too. I only just realised it now, but I do. I had ever since she insisted on going with me to get Morpheus.


SOME TIME ABOUT TWO WEEKS LATER

1:39 PM

In crowded square. Is about two weeks after I died. Am making phone call to the Matrix.

Announcing my arrival as the One.

It’s been a hectic time in the last two weeks. All four of us were working flat out to repair the Neb. Learnt how to spell it now. N-e-b-u-c-h-a-d-n-e-z-z-a-r.

Finally found out what the Oracle said to Trinity, too. The Oracle said that the man she fell in love with would be the One.

We’ve had a whole load of squiddy attacks. I think they’re trying to kill me in the real world. Thank god for electro-magnetic pulse. It’s been on and off all the time. We can’t go in the Matrix in case they suddenly show up.

The four that died have been put in the hold, where they won’t rot. Dozer’s parents and his sister will want his body back. Apparently Switch and Apoc wanted to be buried together. They had even bought a small patch of rock especially for it. Mouse’s body will be put into the shoot in Zion, according to Trinity. He had never said how he wanted to be sent off. The shoot went right into the core of the earth. Instant cremation.

The Slimy Rat we just threw out of the Neb, to rot on the dark, barren ground.

The other three have been rather shell shocked by the death, especially Tank and Trinity. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to find her sobbing, facing away from me, trying to hide it. Tank has been wandering around almost in a daze, hardly believing that his brother is dead.

I can’t help thinking that maybe I’d caused all this. It was my trip to the Oracle that gave Cypher the opportunity.

Still, probably now I can save many lives. With these abilities I have now. Morpheus says that now I’ll be able to fly. I’ll try it after.

1:40 PM

Finished the phone call. Walking out of the phone box, looking at all these people. Soon, they can all be free. Soon.

Well, I’ll test out this flying theory. Oh, after putting on… a pair of sunglasses.

Trademark of the resistance.

END

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